communication

Choices about sex and intimacy will always involve some risks, and making sound choices when risks, emotions and social high stakes are involved isn’t something anyone is magically expert at. How can we learn to do it well, and what are some common things that trip us up?

First things first: issues or difficulties with orgasm are extremely common, so you are definitely not “weird”. In fact many teens, young adults, and older folks alike have never experienced orgasm, so that’s great that you have found a position that brings you pleasure. People have orgasms in…

Have all of your straight friends had sex with a guy if they’re girls, or with a girl if they’re guys? If not, how do they know they’re straight? See how silly that is? Hopefully they will, too. It’s not sage to make orientation something anyone needs to “prove” with sex for a whole lot of reasons…

Life has scripts. Little socially-agreed plays that we enact rather than trying to figure out all our interactions from scratch every time. Many of them are very simple. There’s also scripts for sex. Unfortunately, the most common script out there is terrible.

One of the biggest messages I (and most other sex educators I know) wish everyone would receive and embrace is that when it comes to how you express yourself sexually with things like this, there is no “supposed to.” All there is, and should be, is what feels true and real for you, what you find…

If cunnilingus isn’t an activity he enjoys, and he’s made clear he doesn’t enjoy it and doesn’t want to do it, in my book you don’t bring it up again as something you want. He’s made clear it’s just not for him right now, and he tried it twice to see. He knows you’re interested in it, so he’s…

You know, anytime anyone says or feels that they literally hate someone’s body or body parts, my advice is going to be that it isn’t a good idea for the person with those feelings to be intimate with the person with that body. If we deeply disdain someone’s body parts, or anything big like that…

Based on everything I know and have learned working in sex and relationships for many years, people don’t tend to have or sustain healthy relationships when they do big things for or with partners they don’t also want to do and feel good about themselves. Taking out the garbage, doing the dishes…

The only sound way we can tell if someone has or hasn’t already had any kind of sex is by asking them and accepting their answer. Obviously, sometimes some kinds of sex can result in certain outcomes, like pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, which can also tell us if someone has engaged in…

I don’t think making condoms available is “condoning” sex. If providing condoms, all by itself, sends any primary message, I think the message is that were he to engage in sex, you think preventing unwanted pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted infections is really important. I don…