I have been taking celexa for my anxiety disorder for a few months now. I feel like my desire for sex is basically gone since. Before, I would self-gratify sometimes when I did feel desire, but now I don’t feel like doing it at all. If I try to force myself, it always feels wrong and I end up stopping. Besides fictional characters, I’ve only felt sexual attraction to my ex, and it was only after we had somewhat of a connection and not right off the bat. Is it possible that my anxiety meds made me ace? Is it still valid for me to be ace because of an external factor? I know most people’s sexual orientation is not something that can just be changed by external factors and you can’t just turn people into a different sexual orientation, so I’m kinda confused. Thanks for your help!
Hi Bea,
First of all, congratulations on taking a big step towards managing your anxiety. I know firsthand how hard it is to reach out for help and talk about treatment options and I’m proud of you! I also unfortunately know firsthand how side effects from psychiatric medications can affect your body and emotions — and also, how mental health conditions can interact with things like sexual desire.
Here’s the very short answer to your question: Pills didn’t make you ace!
There are a few things to unpack here: how your mental health can affect your feelings and sexuality; how psychiatric medications can do the same; and your sexuality itself. All of these things can interact with each other and sometimes things get confusing. Please know that it’s not unexpected to see some changes in desire associated with mental health conditions and medications, especially when you first start treatment, and you’re not alone in feeling a little off.
For starters, your level of interest in sex before you started taking medication might be above (or below!) what you might think of as a baseline. You reach your baseline when you are stable on psychiatric medication, getting the results you need in terms of managing your anxiety, and comfortable with your plan for any side effects you are experiencing. Therapy can also be a big help with reaching and maintaining baseline, as can things like breathing exercises and other complementary medicine.
Let’s start with your anxiety: Anxiety can really throw your brain for a loop, as you already know! Stress, anxiety, and depression can all affect your experience of your sexuality. Many people with anxiety notice less interest in sex and other pleasurable activities, also known as “anhedonia.” Anhedonia can affect your interest in sex, but also your sexual responsiveness; you’re just not feeling it, emotionally or physically. On the flip side, some people experience an increase in desire as their brains and bodies try to process what’s going on around them, because everyone is different.
Now that you’re in treatment for your anxiety, if you’re not doing so already, you might want to consider mood journaling: check in with yourself to see how you are feeling every day and chart that feeling over time, and that includes keeping track of your interest in sex. Mood journaling can help you see how your medication and other treatments are working, or not, as the case may be.
This is also a good time to list out the issues you were having before and how things are changing now so you have a clear sense of where you were before and where you want your baseline to be. For example, maybe your anxiety was making it hard for you to make phone calls. At baseline, you probably want to be able to pick up the phone and call someone when you need to!
Writing these things down can help you see the big picture of how well your treatment is working and whether you like the way you are feeling — including how you’re feeling about sex.
Now about those meds. In addition to being a symptom of anxiety and depression, anhedonia can also happen when people start taking psychiatric medications, which might be happening to you. Sometimes it goes away on its own, especially once your body has had a few weeks or months to get used to your meds. Other times you may need to try a different medication or dosage if you aren’t comfortable with the sexual side effects you are experiencing; there are a lot of different options out there and it’s a good idea to talk with your doctor about your symptoms if they are disrupting your life. You have a right to well-managed anxiety and sexual pleasure.
You can take advantage of your mood journaling to also note side effects, and take this information with you to medical appointments. If medication is making you sleepy (or jittery), hungry (or low-appetite), restless (or sluggish), or anything else, keep track of it, and pay attention to whether these issues resolve, stay the same, or get worse. I know it’s hard to stay on medication when it’s making you feel crappy, but also be aware that sometimes it really does take a few months for your body to adjust. If after that you’re still noticing these issues, ask about altering your dosage or trying a different medication, and know that it may, again, take a few weeks or even months to see a change.
Big life changes — such as diagnosing and starting treatment for anxiety — can also affect your interest in sex, for a variety of reasons. If there’s a lot going on in your life, that could be a factor here as well, and treatment may help you manage these stressors better.
Finally, about your sexuality.
Sometimes taking medication for anxiety or other mental health conditions frees up your brain a bit to help you learn more about who you are. Medication can’t make you asexual — nothing can make us any sexual orientation or identity — but having some space away from the pressure of anxiety might be giving the asexual in you a chance to experience, explore and express itself. Sexuality is also a huge gray area that can also shift over time, depending on a lot of factors; some people don’t experience much sexual attraction and identify as asexual, others just prefer to think of themselves as picky! (Hi, it’s me, I’m the picky one.) You might find Heather’s response to another user curious about asexuality helpful for framing the way you think about your sexuality as you learn more about yourself.
Definitely don’t “force yourself” to masturbate or be sexual in any other ways: That’s a great way to set your body and mind up for frustration, and to start building up discomfort around sexual activity. Sex is always supposed to be optional, and tend to feel best when it comes from a place of want, not a place of obligation. It’s okay to take a little break while your brain is doing some deep work! You can also try some low-pressure dabbling; you mentioned fictional characters, and maybe reading some fanfic or watching a particularly hot scene without putting expectations on yourself will let your brain feel more in the mood.
Don’t feel like you need come to a definitive conclusion about your sexuality right now (or ever); it’s okay to take some time to let your body and brain breathe and experience more of the world. You might want to visit some asexual spaces or read some of the writing about asexuality here at Scarleteen to see if it resonates with you. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, and most likely, some of it will resonate with you and you can take that forward into your own exploration and understanding of yourself.
Medication is only an “external factor” in the sense that it helped you find a new baseline where you feel more comfortable in your own mind and body; it’s not cheating to survive a plane crash by buckling your seatbelt. If you are in fact asexual, you’re the real deal no matter what path you took to understand that about yourself. If you’re a person who experiences fluctuating sexual identity over time, or simply isn’t attracted to very many people, that’s also totally valid and in fact very, very common.
You’ve already taken a really important first step toward leading your best life. Be gentle with yourself while you get accustomed to the new world around you!
